Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT)

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) is a structured, short-term approach to couples therapy developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. It is based on attachment theory and focuses on helping partners create secure emotional bonds by identifying, exploring, and transforming negative interaction patterns. EFT is backed by extensive research and has been proven effective for couples facing various challenges, including high levels of distress, infidelity, trauma, and emotional disconnection.


Core Principles of EFT

  • Emotions drive behavior: EFT recognizes that emotions are central to our experiences and shape our relationship patterns. By understanding and addressing underlying emotions, couples can create lasting change.

  • Attachment needs are central: Every person desires a safe and secure emotional connection. Relationship distress often arises from unmet attachment needs, such as fear of abandonment or feeling unseen and unvalued. EFT helps partners recognize and fulfill these needs, fostering a stronger bond.

  • Change happens through emotional engagement: EFT emphasizes the importance of emotional connection and vulnerability. By creating a safe space for partners to express their deeper feelings, EFT helps them respond to each other with empathy and understanding, leading to greater intimacy and trust.

Three Stages of EFT

  1. De-escalation of Negative Cycles:

    • Identify the repetitive, reactive patterns: This stage involves recognizing the negative cycles that keep partners stuck in conflict or emotional distance. Common patterns include pursue-withdraw, criticize-defend, and attack-attack.

    • Understand how these cycles perpetuate distress: By exploring the underlying emotions and attachment needs driving these patterns, couples can gain insight into how they contribute to relationship problems.

    • Reframe the problem as the cycle, not the partner: This shift in perspective helps partners view the cycle as the enemy and work together. 

  2. Restructuring Interactions:

    • Facilitate deeper emotional expression: This stage encourages partners to express their deeper feelings, such as fears, longings, and needs, in a safe and vulnerable way.

    • Encourage new, responsive interactions: As partners become more emotionally open, they can learn to respond to each other with empathy and support, creating new patterns of interaction.

  3. Consolidation and Integration:

    • Strengthen new interaction patterns: This stage focuses on reinforcing the positive changes that have occurred and helping couples integrate them into their daily lives.

    • Develop tools for handling future conflicts: By learning healthy communication and conflict resolution skills, couples can better manage future challenges and maintain their emotional connection.

Goals of EFT

  • Create a more secure emotional attachment between partners: By addressing unmet attachment needs and fostering emotional responsiveness, EFT helps couples develop a stronger and more secure bond.

  • Replace negative cycles with responsive, supportive communication: EFT teaches couples how to break free from destructive patterns and communicate in a way that promotes understanding and connection.

  • Help couples navigate emotions with greater regulation and compassion: By developing emotional awareness and regulation skills, couples can better manage their own emotions and respond to each other with empathy and compassion.