couples Therapy
Do you want more connection in your relationship?
Starting couples therapy is a powerful indicator of commitment, exploration, and a desire for change in our intimate partnerships. It also indicates the value each partner places on the relationship. This gives me hope when I sit down with a couple for the first time. I hold that hope tenderly and may bring it forth in moments when the walls feel impenetrable or the troubles insurmountable.
How I approach working with couples…
First and foremost, relationships are co-creations. No one partner is solely responsible for the troubles in the relationship. Couples Therapy is not about blame, it's about each person taking accountability for their contribution to the difficulties. Acknowledging our role in the co-creation is both vulnerable and freeing. Taking ownership opens the door for sharing needs and desires without a cloud of resentment obscuring empathetic listening and sharing.
Does it feel like your partner just doesn’t understand you?
When I sit with a couple, I focus on slowing things down so we can see the pattern that is inhibiting connection. Our first endeavor together is about identifying the negative cycles underneath the surface conflicts and interpersonal injuries. These patterns typically show themselves when an interaction threatens a tender part of ourselves. Once triggered we respond in instinctual ways, often without any preceding thought. Connection is rebuilt and strengthened when the negative cycle becomes the shared enemy, not the other person. Within that framework, we can begin unpacking each partner’s needs and desires and expanding the capacity for shared vulnerability.
Are we speaking the same language?
Couples often remark that it feels like everything is lost in translation. These miscommunications impede connection and are often at the root of conflicts. Learning and practicing new communication skills is an important component of our work together. We start with techniques that require each partner to listen deeply and then empathically reflect what was shared. The objective is for each partner to develop a better understanding of the other partner’s communication style.
Common issues i work with
Communication Problems
Negative Interaction Cycles
Life Transitions & External Stressors
(e.g. parenthood, job loss, death of a parent)
Intimacy Issues (physical & emotional)
(e.g. desire discrepancies, different attachment styles)
Infidelity & Other Betrayals of Trust
Infertility
Jealousy & Insecurities
Unmet Emotional Needs
Loneliness within the Relationship
Different Expectations of Relationship Roles
(e.g. domestic duties, parenting styles)
Non-Monogamy & Polyamory
(e.g. help couples new to ENM create strong agreements &
assist members of poly-relationships experiencing difficulties with the dynamics)
Kink/BDSM
Health Challenges in One Partner
(e.g. depression, chronic illness, social anxiety)
Unresolved Past Trauma or Conflicts
(e.g. childhood trauma, war veterans, attachment injury)
